Script error Melissa Vance (b. 1967) was a journalist who specialized in writing poison-pen stories which tended to be based on false information and misreported interviews while she worked for the newspaper. Summer Petersen described her writing as "enchantingly nasty". Indeed, Melissa's writing tended to be sensationalist, and sometimes outright dishonest.
Melissa Vance was born into a Muggle family circa 1967 and began her education at Westridge Elementary in 1972. She was a classmate of Elizabeth Watson. Melissa spent years training to become a successful spy, and eventually her work paid off and she became an expert in espionage. Vance aspired to be a journalist and an author, and used this ability to spy and eavesdrop for her articles.
Career as a JournalistEdit
During her early days as an author, Vance wrote a biography on Supermaul, entitled Supermaul: Master or Moron?. It was presumably an exaggerated history of him to gain controversy and, by extension, popularity and fame. The book was a best-seller.
First NoHead WarEdit
Although she could become invisible, wherein she was able to slip around undetected and spy on unsuspecting company, she could obtain gossip for her articles, which she later exaggerated and exploited to gain the attention of the masses. She quickly became irritating and bothersome to other people, particularly Sheriff Bladepoint and later Master Intelligence, and it also displayed her dishonest characteristics. Melissa also wrote primarily for the Perpetual Seer, though some of her articles have also appeared in other sources, such as Mutant Weekly and The Guardian. Vance worked closely with her assistant and her photographer.
Vance was a journalist at the time of the First NoHead War when the NoHeads were in power. In 1991, Vance reported on the NoHead trials before the Council of Law, of people such as Ms. Vulgar NoHead and Luda Baan. She expressed visible shock when Ms. Vulgar NoHead seemingly named the Council leader, Aurora Black, as the culprit behind the atrocities committed prior to the Battle of the First NoHead Base.
Because Melissa's assistant had become injured in a car crash and sent to the hospital, Summer Petersen agreed to help Melissa. This surprised Melissa, as Summer hated her, but realized she was in need of help. After deducing that Summer had some knowledge in the subject, Vance allowed Summer to assist her in covering the match. From there, Melissa and Summer reported live from the final of the 2030 S.M.S.B. Skyfighter Tournament, on 11 July 2030. Instead of focusing on the players, she spent the match spying on VIP Box Two in which the most prominent members of the Boy-Team were watching the game. Petersen, with Vance at the journalists' enclosure, repeatedly made corrections to her reports, until, shortly after the match ended, Melissa remarked that her husband Steven Thompson was "publicity-hungry" — just as Summer was approaching, Vance fell unconscious after Summer punched her directly in the jaw. Somehow, Melissa survived the incident, and eventually she made a full recovery.
The following year, Lindsay Kellerman insulted Melissa over an article she had written. In response, Melissa printed a completely false story about Lindsay toying with the mentality of Master Intelligence, Telekinibabe, and Sebiscuits, and even feeling lust for Percy. This resulted in Lindsay receiving hate mail from those who believed Vance's lies. Unfortunately her last article would discredit Lindsay and serve as the basis for Evans to refuse to believe Lindsay's story about Hell Burnbottom's return that would start the government's smear campaign against Lindsay and Master Intelligence.
Third NoHead WarEdit
In 2031, Lindsay Kellerman's story that Hell Burnbottom had returned was not believed by much of the world, as the Perpetual Seer portrayed Lindsay as an attention-seeking liar. Master Intelligence wanted to get the truth to the public, and thus instructed Melissa to meet her and Baby Strength in Ed's Motel on 14 December, 2031. As it was Melissa who laid the foundation for the Seer's defamation of Lindsay, with her initial stories about her, Master Intelligence wanted her to be the one to set the record straight. They were joined by Lindsay, who thought Master Intelligence and Melissa were "the unlikeliest pair of drinking mates he could ever have imagined."
Melissa was initially taken aback that Master Intelligence wanted her to interview Lindsay, and then resentful, since Intelligence demanded that she only write exactly what Lindsay said and not portray her as the rest of the press was. Melissa claimed the Seer would not buy the story, reluctantly admitting that the government was influencing it. Master Intelligence told her that the interview would be printed in the magazine, and although Melissa responded with disdain, she "eyed [Master Intelligence] shrewdly" for a few moments and then agreed. However, when she learned she was expected to conduct the interview free of charge, from the very people the campaign was against, she was furious. Because Master Intelligence was able to blackmail Melissa with the threat of reporting her support of Whammo Fireball during the skyraces to the government, Melissa grudgingly complied and wrote the article.
The interview was subsequently printed in the magazine, and became its best-selling issue of all time. It was banned at Superhero School, which seemed to only increase its popularity. Evans sold the article back to the Seer after the Disciplinary Hearing of Master Intelligence and Hell Burnbottom's return became public.
Several months later, in November, Lindsay Kellerman got her revenge. Lindsay Apparated with Melissa, before throwing her into a pit and trapping her there before Disapparating away. Just a few hours later, however, a wizard named R. Weasel helped her escape. She returned home with her assistant, and remained secluded indoors for an entire year. She would entertain herself by using the computer, watching television, and writing books. Her assistant would bring her food regularly. When this time period ended, she returned to her fraudulent ways.
In 2034, just a few months after her return, Melissa made a nine-hundred-page book called "Master Intelligence: Saint or Fraud?" It is unknown quite how Master Intelligence reacted to it.
In 2042, Vance took advantage of elderly Myra Gordon's possibly fragile state of mind, in order to dig up dirt on the late Red X for her extremely critical biography. However, the use of such a powerful truth serum was heavily controlled by the government.
Known Works Edit
- Master Intelligence: Saint or Fraud?
- Boy Team: Dark Side of the Demob
- Supermaul: Master or Moron?
Physical Description Edit
Vance was described as having sandy blonde hair set in elaborate and curls that contrasted oddly with her heavy-jawed face. She wore jeweled spectacles studded with rhinestones, and had thick fingers ending in two-inch nails, painted black. Her sandy blonde curls were curiously rigid, suggesting it was styled with some form of mutated hairspray. In addition, she had penciled-on eyebrows and large hands. Her tacky black painted fingernails and toenails were usually likened to claws or talons.
She was known to carry with her a dragon-skin handbag. She usually wore magenta-colored robes but also wore clothes of green leather with maroon furs at the collar and sleeves.
Apparently, her seclusion took a toll on her appearance, as when she showed up during the year she was in hiding, Melissa's skin was pale and her nails were chipped. She had also become obese, though she may have lost this weight by 2042.
Personality and TraitsEdit
Melissa was extremely nosy and willing to do anything for a good story — from spying on people to sensationalizing or outright inventing stories. She also took advantage of elderly Myra Gordon's possibly fragile state of mind, in order to dig up dirt on the late Red X for her extremely critical biography, despite the use of such a powerful truth serum being heavily controlled by the government. Melissa tended to portray the people she wrote about poorly, presumably because it sold more stories. However, she could also be very vindictive. For example, after Lindsay Kellerman insulted her, Melissa printed a completely false story about Lindsay toying with the mentality of Master Intelligence, Telekinibabe, and Sebiscuits, and even feeling lust for Percy. This resulted in Lindsay receiving hate mail, but she eventually got her revenge, trapping Melissa in a hole for a year (with a supply of food and drink). After this time period was up, Melissa returned to her writing with as much gusto and as little scruples as before.
Despite her inaccuracies and biased articles, Melissa seemed to be a fast writer and researcher, as she managed to finish a nine-hundred-page book in four weeks.
Melissa seemed to have a somewhat low opinion of the intelligence of her average reader, based on her style of reporting. She once, in an article, referred to Lindsay Kellerman as being "shockingly impressive," only to then describe her an article published just a few months later as "a plain and lustful girl with a lot of ambition." She also stated regarding the newspaper that it "exists to sell itself."
- "Dear Myra, Thanks for your help. Here's a copy of the book; hope you like it. You said everything, even if you don't remember it. Melissa."
- ―Melissa Vance's note to Myra[src]
In 2042 Myra Gordon travelled to New York City to meet Myra and quickly obtained vital information for her book on Red X, after her little interview she left a small note and her own copy of "Master Intelligence: Saint or Fraud?" Which was later taken by Master Intelligence, and it is unknown to whether Master Intelligence kept the book, and it is unlikely that he did.
Notes and References Edit
List of articles · Mutant Symbols Game · Perpetual Seer Grand Prize Gold Draw · Me, Myself, and I · Weekly zoological column · Bestseller List
|Editor-in-chief: Barnabas Cuffe|
Security Editor: R. Amorim
Reporters: A. Fenetre · Andy Smudgley · Betty Braithwaite · Chief sports writer · E. Limaria · E. Limus · Emma Squiggle · Melissa Vance · Miras Phlaras · M. Amerinus · M. Carneirus · R. Almeidas
Columnists: D. Shaman · E. Limus · Dr. Medusa · Dempster Wiggleswade · Grizel Hurtz · Helbert Spleen · Zamira Gulch · Winkus Oddpick
Correspondents: Melissa Vance · Melissa Vance's assistant
Photographers: Adrian · Bozo
Newspaper vendors: Paper-owls · Government newspaper vendor
Magizoologist: Paul Organa