|"There are plenty of witnesses. I haven't got the evidence with me, but that doesn't change the facts–"
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The Lunch Money Bandit (real name Cygnus Evans) (1990-4 May, 2033) was the son of Randy and Rosier Evans. He attended New York Elementary, where he would constantly steal lunch money from his fellow students. From the start he had an interest in the Darkness, and virtually idolized the NoHeads, though he was denied a place in their ranks. Cygnus took the alias of the Lunch Money Bandit and became a mugger.
In 2020, the Lunch Money Bandit found Percy and Stephanie, two Fobble children, and mugged them of their lunch money. However, he was then intercepted by Baby Intelligence who, with help from Lindsay Kellerman, had him arrested for several months. The tables turned, however, when he found out he had powers of Teleportation and he used them to escape, seeking refuge in the City Volcano. However, he was forced to feign death when the S.M.S.B. located him.
Two months later, shortly after the end of the NoHeads, Cygnus allegedly participated in the capture and torture of Dexter and Laura along with Whammo Fireball and Darren Slade, using lightning to drive the two officers to insanity. The Lunch Money Bandit and his comrades were sentenced to life imprisonment in Beta Prison for their crimes by his own cousin.
The Lunch Money Bandit escaped from Beta Prison in the 2030 mass break-out, along with the other Elite NoHeads. Along with Whammo Fireball, he entered the service of Hell Burnbottom and they devised a plan to restore the NoHead Grandmaster. Their plan worked and the Lunch Money Bandit continued to serve Burnbottom during the Third NoHead War.
During the final battle, he was frozen into a statue by Red X, after his attempted murder of Sebiscuits Cardarphen. The Lunch Money Bandit’s statue was recovered and taken to the Town Hall, where it was burned.
Cygnus Evans was born in 1990 to Randy and Rosier Evans. He had two sisters, but no brothers. Cygnus came from the wealthy Evans family, and as such he was given a rich lifestyle. Cygnus attended New York Elementary, like Cynthia Thomas would do later. During this time, he would constantly steal lunch money from his fellow students. From the start he had an interest in the Darkness, and virtually idolized the NoHeads. He was also friends with Whammo Fireball while Whammo was searching for a career in racing. In the future, they would work together well in their service to Hell Burnbottom. Unlike his siblings, Cygnus was single and displayed no affection for his parents after his childhood.
Career as a mugger Edit
When Mr. Stupid NoHead first rose to power, Cygnus and Whammo were both denied ranks in the NoHeads because they had no superpowers. Whammo continued as a racer, and Cygnus became a mugger. This is when he acquired the alias of The Lunch Money Bandit. In 2011, the Lunch Money Bandit dispatched bombers on a grocery store in Rochester for unknown reasons. Fortunately, Alice took notice and saved the store by shooting down the bombers from inside her skyfighter.
Defeat in 2020Edit
- "Oh! It's the Lunch Money Bandit! We've been looking for him for months! Thanks, boys."
- ―Officer Walltalker[src]
The Lunch Money Bandit later found Percy and Stephanie leaving a theater. As they paused to think about what had happened in the movie, they were cornered by the shady character, who asked them for a dollar. Percy refused, but the antagonist then demanded the money Percy carried for lunch money. As the Lunch Money Bandit escaped to the rooftops with his loot, he was cornered by Baby Intelligence, Baby Strength, and Force Baby - the remnants of the S.M.S.B. - who shook the stolen money off the villain, foiled his grenade with help from Lindsay Kellerman, and threw him into Officer Walltalker’s patrol car.
Between the wars Edit
On the run Edit
Following this, the Lunch Money Bandit spent nine months in prison. The tables turned, however, when he found out he had powers of Appiration. After testing it several times, and deciding where to go when the event happened, the Lunch Money Bandit simply Apparated out of his jail cell and reappeared outside, where he began to cackle wickedly. He then left to the City Volcano, which was currently deserted. He later took refuge in the Third NoHead Base, just as Hadeline had done a few years back.
After an extensive search, the S.M.S.B. found the Lunch Money Bandit. They all climbed out and gained access inside. During Baby Intelligence, Baby Strength, Lindsay Kellerman, and Force Baby's time in the chambers they battled through three exhausting obstacles, but succeeded anyway. By the time each obstacle had been bypassed, only Baby Intelligence and Force Baby were left to enter the main chamber. They engaged Cygnus in a fierce duel. The Lunch Money Bandit finally had to relinquish, and faked his own death. The S.M.S.B. members left, thinking they had won. However, the evildoer had survived and began to plot his revenge.
The Lunch Money Bandit took the rank of NoHead acolyte shortly after his defeat by the S.M.S.B. After Hell Burnbottom’s defeat in 2020, he fell in with Darren Slade and Whammo Fireball, who were also searching for the NoHead (albeit with Slade possessed by the ghost of Mr. Crooked NoHead). Hoping to get information on his whereabouts, both of them captured two police. Dexter was the first to be captured out of the two. He was subjugated and imprisoned at an undisclosed location, before being heavily tortured by all three of them. The continued, severe use of lightning on the officer left him dead. When the criminals failed to gain any information from him, they targeted his girlfriend, Laura. She, too, was kidnapped, and was tortured in the same manner. Like Dexter, she had no knowledge of Hell Burnbottom’s whereabouts, and so was forced to endure the torture. The continuous use of the lightning on the police left her physically and mentally depleted, and she soon became insane. Cygnus was captured with Whammo and Darren after they tortured the police Dexter and Laura. The Lunch Money Bandit and his allies were brought to trial before the courts, over which his cousin, Mayor Evans, presided.
The Lunch Money Bandit was insistent on his innocence, claiming he had merely fallen in with the wrong crowd, and begged the Mayor before the entire assembled Council and witnesses such as the state Senator and the jury to clear him of the charges on the torture crime. The Mayor headed the government at the time and was under extreme pressure to give the appearance of having gotten something done about the terrorism caused by what was left of the NoHeads.
Evans chose to make a public example of the Lunch Money Bandit, and sentenced him to a term of life imprisonment in Beta Prison with no chance of release. However, the trial was no more than an excuse to show how much the Mayor hated the Evans family. He would spend the next decade in maximum security cell. His time in Beta Prison takes a toll on his already unstable mentality.
Escape from Beta Prison Edit
In January 2030, Mr. Stupid NoHead’s ghost orchestrated a mass breakout from Beta Prison. When NoHead possessed Darren Slade, he said through the latter that Whammo and the Lunch Money Bandit were faithful members of his inner circle and should be rewarded, as they did not denounce him after they were captured and tried. With that, he blew a hole in the top of the prison that sent Whammo and the Lunch Money Bandit loose. After the mass breakout, the Lunch Money Bandit rejoined Hell Burnbottom. Burnbottom had little trouble arranging this as several jail guards were frightened by his mere appearance. These two were considered to be some of the most dangerous and highly guarded convicts due to their crimes being brutal and legendary. As a result, Cygnus and Whammo became wanted criminals. They lived in hiding to avoid being captured by the government. Darren Slade defected afterwards, and was killed as a result of his disloyalty. Because he was still loyal to the NoHeads after everything, the Lunch Money Bandit joined Hell Burnbottom and Mr. Stupid NoHead, as did Whammo. The two of them apparated to Bast Castle, using powers that had been negated for so long. The two NoHead Masters needed a loyal follower to help them regain power.
Rejoining the NoHeadsEdit
About a year later, the ghost of Mr. Stupid NoHead declared his intentions to take Jonathan’s life as his own, only to be erased from existence by the Sword of Abomination. After this event, Hell Burnbottom was still very weak and about to give up all hope when Whammo Fireball and Cygnus Evans encouraged him to stick to the plan. Left alone to command the remaining NoHeads, Hell Burnbottom said that Whanmo and Cygnus’ applications were to last, though they were NoHead acolytes for the time being and no higher. Burnbottom also revealed that with NoHead’s destruction, the plan had to be altered to just him. Burnbottom planned to regain his old body and strength, and to do this, he required the use of a Dark potion that required him to obtain the three main necessary ingredients: bone of the erutul, egg of the woarc, and flesh of the hero. Whammo went to retrieve Hell Burnbottom’s sword from the NoHead base. After presenting it to his master, Whammo and the Lunch Money Bandit then traveled to Bast Castle, outside of Lioness graveyard.
Cygnus and Whammo were able to locate Myra Gordon, a Fobble shopkeeper. Although she recognized them, Cygnus and Whammo managed to lure her into Bast Castle, before handing her over to the Dark Lord. Under torture, Myra gave them information that helped Hell Burnbottom, including the whereabouts of their lost snake, Nagatha. With Burnbottom’s permission, the Lunch Money Bandit placed a short-term memory wipe on her so that she would not report the torture. They went to George Thames’ workshop, where Hell Burnbottom’s ghost placed another short-term memory wipe on George and freed Nagatha, having Whammo Apparate to Bast Castle with Nagatha in tow while Cygnus Apparated by himself.
All three of them took up temporary residence at Bast Castle. Over time, Whammo tried unsuccessfully to convince Burnbottom to use a subject other than Lindsay Kellerman (whose hairs they needed) to rebuild his body, but Burnbottom saw this as an attempt at desertion and claimed that Whammo was regretting ever returning to him in the first place. On the other hand, Burnbottom was impressed by the Lunch Money Bandit’s unwavering commitment to the NoHead cause and would constantly and openly compare him to Whammo in this regard.
In the summer of 2031, Jonathan was caught intruding and eavesdropping in Bast Castle by Nagatha. When Nagatha reported to Hell Burnbottom, the Dark Lord welcomed the orphan into the room. After challenging Burnbottom to show his face “like a man,” Burnbottom obliged and cast a death beam that took Jonathan’s life. The Lunch Money Bandit then set out to locate a woarc egg, he found it when a woarc flew to its nest. He immediately fired a freeze beam at it, binding it to the nest to ensure it did not escape his sight. He planned to use its egg when the prism was complete. He then Teleported to Bast Castle and reported that he had found the first ingredient. Hell Burnbottom was so pleased that he used his powers to create two one-dollar bills and told him to get a treat from the Candy Store with it. He probably gave him a disguise so he could go unnoticed.
For their next mission, Whammo Fireball and the Lunch Money Bandit were sent to capture Master Intelligence to stop him from interfering with their plans. The next day, at two in the morning, the two set off for the MBH. When they arrived, Whammo stopped them and pointed out they did not have an official strategy mapped out. Angry, the Lunch Money Bandit began to converse with Whammo on how best to capture him, not knowing Intelligence was awake and could hear them. Due to Whammo Fireball’s subsequent neglect, he managed to locate Cygnus Evans. The Lunch Money Bandit drew his gun and attacked, initiating a brief duel with Master Intelligence. After jetting off toward the ceiling, Cygnus realized he could not win and called Whammo over to him, who quickly showed up and linked hands before they Disapparated away from the MBH empty-handed. When they arrived, the Lunch Money Bandit angrily swore at Whammo as they headed to the Central Chamber to reckon with their master. Hell Burnbottom tortured Whammo with his powers as a punishment. Master Intelligence was highly eluded by the attempt, and realized the NoHeads would return soon.
In order to obtain the second ingredient, Whammo Fireball set off to find an erutul and located one in Lioness graveyard. Minutes after he acquired its bone, Hell Burnbottom told the Lunch Money Bandit to hold up the phone so he could call Whammo. Burnbottom proceeded to order Whammo to send a probe to the MBH. As the probes learned that the S.M.S.B. members were all making plates as an assignment, and reported in, Cygnus left to do a survey on the state capitol’s security. Whammo called Burnbottom back and suggested Burnbottom turn Lindsay’s into a transport that only she would be affected by touching. Burnbottom agreed to that. Although Whammo volunteered to jinx Lindsay’s plate into the secret transport, Hell Burnbottom deemed the Lunch Money Bandit better for the task. When he returned shortly before the restoration, the Lunch Money Bandit was given the task of jinxing Lindsay’s plate into the secret transport. He apparated to the MBH and sneaked inside. There, he sneakily turned the plate into a transport, and apparated back without a trace. Meanwhile, Burnbottom and Whammo proceeded to the Tower of Reincarnation, where Whammo prepared the Dark prism.
Third NoHead War Edit
As Whammo Fireball and Hell Burnbottom proceeded to the Tower of Reincarnation to prepare the network, the Lunch Money Bandit searched for Burnbottom’s sword, unaware that Whammo had it already. As he had planned it, Lindsay was transported to the Lioness graveyard when she touched the plate. It was at this time that Whammo performed the ritual on Kellerman by slicing off her flesh and stealing waves of Light to restore Hell Burnbottom’s physical body, also using a woarc’s egg and a dead erutul’s bone.
Unable to find the sword, Cygnus finally Apparated from a NoHead Sign and into the tower moments after Hell Burnbottom’s return. Burnbottom immediately rounded on him and declared him to be “an official NoHead” like Whammo. Whammo said it was an honor, and Cygnus agreed. When Lindsay Disapparated, Burnbottom left to fight her, and the Lunch Money Bandit laughed when Lindsay hid and Burnbottom mockingly reminded her they were not playing hide-and-seek. He witnessed the following sword duel between the two opponents. When Lindsay made to escape, he stood by, as Burnbottom had ordered him and Whammo not to do anything. After the fight, they returned to Bast Castle together with Nagatha. It was this event that made it clear that Cygnus was now actively a NoHead.
Battle of Bast Castle Edit
When Hell Burnbottom planted a false vision in Sebiscuits Cardarphen’s mind, hoping to convince him only he has the power to stop him, the Lunch Money Bandit waited by his side; he and Whammo both entered the edge of the Tri-battlements after Burnbottom used lightning against Sebiscuits’ crippled and strangled form to win the duel, and Cygnus watched as Whammo checked on Burnbottom. Burnbottom demanded that someone check to see if Sebiscuits was, in fact, dead, a deed Whammo volunteered to perform. However, the Lunch Money Bandit volunteered. Striding over to his body and seeing Burnbottom had succeeded, Cygnus asserted that Sebiscuits was indeed dead. He and Whammo followed Hell Burnbottom to the front to announce Sebiscuits’ death. However, Sebiscuits came back to life soon after.
When the battle resumed, the Lunch Money Bandit fought Sebiscuits. Despite Sebiscuits’ skill, he did not equal Cygnus' abilities. He cast a beam that trapped Cardarphen; this enraged Red X, who promptly engaged in her own duel with the NoHead. The Lunch Money Bandit did not take Red X seriously in the least, initially taunting her and calling her a twerp.
The duel continued, however, and the ground beneath the two combatants became hot and cracked as their battle progressed. While Cygnus laughed at his opponent, Red X managed to strike him in the chest with a beam that turned him to stone. As his body toppled to the ground, Red X gloated briefly.
After being frozen by Red X, the Lunch Money Bandit’s statue was recovered and taken to the Town Hall, where it was burned outside of said building.
Cygnus Evans is tall and thin, standing at about 6’4. He had a strong chin and a crooked hook nose, with wavy hair protruding from the back of his head in a ridiculous and artificial style. The appearance of his original hair is unknown. He is almost always seen wearing red robes; he has a green jumpsuit underneath that is partially visible under the robes, which are tied together with a belt made of rope. He also has a strong chin and curiously has no eyelashes.
Personality and traitsEdit
Cygnus Evans was diabolical, extremely intelligent, cunning, and intensely hateful. He was obviously a quite powerful man, having demonstrated sufficient ability to transform a plate into a transport and defeat Sebiscuits Cardarphen in combat. The Lunch Money Bandit was also perceptively observant and exceptionally manipulative.
The Lunch Money Bandit was extremely devoted to Hell Burnbottom and regarded him as a father figure. His loyalty was matched only by Whammo Fireball. He also seemed to know an unusual amount of things about Burnbottom. However, Cygnus’ immense loyalty to Hell Burnbottom blinded him to those who truly loved him, namely his mother. They sacrificed much to give him a second chance at a happy life, which Cygnus tragically wasted in his obsession to reunite with the NoHeads. As with many other NoHeads, Cygnus had deluded himself into believing that he alone understood their master, and that they were closest to each other due to their commons, to which was in fact not true as Mr. Stupid NoHead never desired a friend nor understood human affections.
One reason for the Lunch Money Bandit’s behavior may be the fact that he had no friends in childhood, this coupled with his twisted nature, possibly affected his mental stability. The year he spent in Beta Prison also furthered his mental decline. He was also possibly very sadistic, laughing at Red X’s despair over Sebiscuits’ death.
The Lunch Money Bandit was one of Hell Burnbottom’s most loyal and trusted servants. Cygnus was imprisoned in Beta Prison with Whammo Fireball and Darren Slade. He escaped with the help of Mr. Stupid NoHead, and went into hiding for a time. When Burnbottom learned that there was a NoHead at large who remained loyal to him, Hell Burnbottom and Cygnus Evans located him and enlisted him as a NoHead in the making.
However, Cygnus’ loyalty has led him to know many things about Hell Burnbottom that even other loyal NoHeads, such as Brute Gunray, do not. Cygnus knows that Burnbottom had a cruel disappointing father who virtually homeschooled him, and that he did not take pleasure in killing people. These three common threads helped to fuel Cygnus’ loyalty. This also implies that the Lunch Money Bandit is aware of Burnbottom’s love for his parents, but doesn’t care about it, in contradiction to the NoHeads’ belief of power over attachment. It could very well be that Burnbottom told Cygnus these similarities between the two, and used them as a way to get Barty to join him. Despite his public claims that Cygnus had worth and was “his most faithful servant”, Hell Burnbottom never truly cared for Cygnus any more than as a useful servant who is as easily disposable as any other, as Burnbottom never wanted a friend.
The Lunch Money Bandit helped Hell Burnbottom regain a physical body by capturing a mother woarc and her egg and preventing Master Intelligence from his attempt to sabotage the plan. By turning Lindsay’s plate into a transport, Cygnus made sure Lindsay was transported to the Lioness graveyard, where Whammo Fireball used Lindsay’s hairs to concoct a potion that would allow Burnbottom to be reborn. After Burnbottom failed to kill Lindsay in the graveyard, Lindsay returned to the MBH, and Cygnus Disapprated to Bast Castle. He continued to serve Hell Burnbottom after this. He fought loyally in the Battle of Bast Castle and attempted to kill Sebiscuits personally. Sebiscuits was saved by Red X, and Cygnus was turned to stone.
Whammo Fireball Edit
Despite his hatred towards disloyal NoHeads, the Lunch Money Bandit knew how to control his temper when necessary, and prevented himself from attacking them. He even set aside his differences with Whammo Fireball, one of the most disloyal NoHeads, in order to work together to revive the NoHead Grandmaster. During the Plot to restore Hell Burnbottom, their teamwork was nothing if not effective, they only had each other and the ghost of Hell Burnbottom.
Master Intelligence Edit
Master Intelligence was Hell Burnbottom's most hated enemy, leading the Lunch Money Bandit to show open hatred for him. Intelligence was shocked at what the Lunch Money Bandit did in 2020. Although the two very rarely saw each other, Master Intelligence was disgusted by the Lunch Money Bandit's disregard for sentient life.
Lindsay Kellerman Edit
The Lunch Money Bandit's first encounter with Lindsay Kellerman was one he had no knowledge of. He was left unaware of her existence, but she proved crucial to his arrest. Lindsay later killed Hell Burnbottom's, leading the Lunch Money Bandit to show open hatred for her. After the Elite NoHeads escaped from Beta Prison, they plotted to murder Lindsay. The Lunch Money Bandit turned a plate into a transport in order to finalize the plan to resurrect Burnbottom and eliminate Lindsay once and for all. When Lindsay touched it, she was transported to the Lioness graveyard. However, Lindsay fought Burnbottom and escaped.
Police Grand Army Edit
The Lunch Money Bandit was one of the Dark mutants who tortured the officers Dexter and Laura into insanity in order to make them tell where the Dark Lord was hidden. After that, the officers were permanently sent to NYC Hospital, and the Lunch Money Bandit was imprisoned in Beta Prison along with Whammo and Darren.
Behind the scenesEdit
Oddly, President Evans and the Lunch Money Bandit both share the same last name, despite the fact that they are cousins.
Cygnus is a northern constellation known as the Swan or the Northern Cross. It was named for several swans which appear in Greek mythology, including the one Zeus transformed into to seduce Leda, the form Orpheus took after his death, and a son of the god Apollo who was turned into a swan after his murder. The name is derived from the Greek κύκνος, kyknos, meaning “swan”. Cygnus was named for this because his parents loved him so and he was indeed sweet when he was a boy. Evans is a Welsh or English surname derived from the given name Evan. As a Welsh name, Evan means “young warrior”; it can also be considered a form of the name John, (named after the apostle John) meaning “God is gracious and merciful”.
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